How We Speak To Ourselves can be self-sabotaging, or self-empowering. Do we even pay attention to what it is that we are saying to ourselves? If not caught quickly, some sabotaging self-talk can soon become an adopted belief system, and we don’t want that.
What is Self-Talk?
Many think that self-talk is a sign of insanity. Self-talk is good for you, and it can be helpful in many different ways, like when you´re having an inner discussion about whether or not to buy those ridiculously expensive shoes, or telling yourself to remain calm during a heated argument, or going over in your mind what you are going to say to your boss before walking into his office to ask for a raise. Self-talk helps you to make difficult or life changing decisions, answer questions as to what to do about a challenging task and how to go about it, or even how you give yourself love, as well as how you motivate yourself. Used correctly, it is an important tool in your empowerment toolbox.
What causes us to talk to ourselves
When you pay attention to your thoughts and you start to sort through what is monkey chatter, and noise, and what is your inner voice, you will start to get clear on what makes you talk to yourself and whether or not you are ready to listen, or choose to go into default mode and to handle a new situation perhaps as you would typically handle other situations.
That still inner voice inside you is your navigational system, or your intuition, your gut feeling, or whatever you choose to call it. That gets louder in high energy situations such as when you are stressed about something, feeling anxiety, or experiencing pain over a hurtful message you’ve received, or observing a potential conflict escalating and your alarm bells or siren goes off, and you ask yourself how to best handle this situation.
How do you talk to yourself, and how do you respond to that talk?
To answer this, one has to start becoming more aware of the dialogue that is taking place internally. To notice what you are noticing. Are you being kind to yourself, or berating yourself the way a strict teacher would do if you were naughty at school? If you notice that what you are saying to yourself is unkind or unloving, become of aware of that and ask yourself who it is who is talking… in other words, which part of yourself is that coming from?
So where is The self-talk coming from?
Is it from your heart? Or does it maybe come from the ego? Or is it something that was imprinted into you when you were younger by someone else? Somebody, who was maybe going through a tough time at that moment and had taken it out on you, or meant well and wanted to help you with some tough love, and now you have as an adult, adopted that manner of speaking to yourself. Self-talk can arise from a number of situations.
Down Talk
This is a dangerous type of self-talk, because it is not true. We tend to think that if we talk to ourselves this way, we can motivate ourselves to become the person that we want to be. It is important to acknowledge what you are hearing, so that you can be aware of how destructive down talk is. You do not have to accept it as true and it does not have to become a part of your self-identity and ultimately shape your self-worth. Should that voice ever come up for you, tell it to be quiet, that you are taking over the dialogue from here on out. Then, replace that self-sabotaging statement with an empowering one.
12 Statements to Banish From Your Self-Talk
Have you ever made a decision, one that you possibly regret today, based on a conversation that you had with yourself? Have you ever found yourself saying something like this to yourself?
- I can’t go after what I want I don’t have what it takes.
2. I am not good enough.
3. I am not worthy.
4. I will never find love. / Love is just not in the cards for me.
5. I am too old.
6. I don’t have a degree, or I am not educated enough to do the thing I really want to do.
7. I cannot lose the weight, it is genetic. Nothing I do gets me results.
8. It is the way it is, there is nothing I can do to change it.
9. It is not within my power to do anything about it.
10. Hey, it pays the bills.
11. The man of my dreams just doesn’t exist.
12. Other people have all the luck in the world.
8 Steps To Take When Self-Talk Happens
1. Listen to what is being said.
2. Ask yourself where this is coming from, and who is doing the talking.
3. Ask yourself if this kind of talk serves your true self, and the you that you are becoming.
4. Identify what kind of talk it is, a warning, guidance, or monkey chatter or down talk.
5. Acknowledge what it is you are hearing. You don’t want to go into denial about the conversation happening in your head, because it might be trying to warn you, or steer you in the right direction.
6. Replace it with a new and empowering statement that you know to be true about yourself, and one that will serve you and your purpose.
7. Always be kind and loving towards yourself, and supportive of yourself and your greater good.
8. Use words like “up until now” “that may have been true in the past”, and “I choose to…”